


Remorse

by dreamyloner



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Drug-Induced Sex, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gang Rape, Incest, M/M, Multi, Physical Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 00:02:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5395151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamyloner/pseuds/dreamyloner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kiku can't recall since when he has started feeling his way towards Yao. Whenever he catches a glimpse of his older brother, he has to resist the urge to ruin him, to torment him, to drive him away...</p><p>WARNING: graphic violence, implied rape, drug reference, character death, suicide. AU.<br/>Main pairing: Kiku x Yao (Nichu)<br/>Side pairings: Arthur x Yao, Alfred x Yao, Ivan x Yao, Gilbert x Yao, Antonio x Yao, France x Yao<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Remorse

  **(0)** **Prologue**

_"Nii-san! Nii-san!"_

_"Shì de? Shì de?"_

_"Will nii-san stay with me forever?"_

_"Dāngrán! I will never leave Kiku! Yao gē will always protect and love Kiku…forever and ever!"_

_"I'm glad, nii-san. Aishiteimasu!"_

_"Kiku! Watch out!"_

_"Nii-san…"_

* * *

**(1)** **All because of him**

He can't recall since when he has started feeling his way towards Yao.

Whenever he catches a glimpse of his feebler, older brother, he has to resist the urge to ruin him; to torment him; to drive him away from him.

His antics are getting provoking.

His presence annoys him to no end.

His mere existence is a shame to him.

An utter shame.

"Kiku! Kiku! Look!" Yao chirps gleefully, tilting his head to one side. "Isn't it adorable? Do I look cute in this panda hat?"

Kiku shudders at the ridiculous question. He whips around and glowers at his mentally handicapped brother. People stare at them curiously.

_They are mocking me._

_They are laughing at me._

He growls and ignors the energetic boy.

He wants to draw the line so much.

He has to.

"Kiku! Kiku! Look at me! Look here!" Yao continues to leap jubilantly like an eight-year-old.

In fact, he is indeed an eight-year-old at heart.

But he is a sixteen-year-old high school boy, with normal intelligence but somehow awfully wrecked maturity.

He has been like this for years…

They said he could study alright, but his mentality would never age.

There is something wrong in his brain; something psychological; something Kiku can't fathom.

Or maybe he has just forgotten the details.

_Since when has he been like this by the way?_

As a child, he used to enjoy Yao's company.

But now, Kiku loathes him. 

"Kiku? Isn't that your brother?" Arthur Kirkland, the grouchy British boy smirks as he approaches him. Kiku rolls his eyes and grunts. It's simply frustrating to think that even one of his closest classmates is ridiculing him.

All because of Yao.

"Let's go, Arthur-san."

"Wait, isn't that dude dancing in the corridor like an idiot? Everyone's looking, gosh!" Alfred, the gluttony American boy exclaims.

Kiku sighs and simply turns away from all the unnecessary attention he is gaining from the gossiping crowd.

"Mon cher, do you need to have lunch with your brother instead? Honhonhon, he seems high today," Francis sneers.

"Shumimasen." Kiku bows apologetically and walk towards his good-for-nothing brother.

"Stop it, Yao-san." Kiku tries not to lash out at Yao, whom his mother has reminded him to take care of.

_It's more like an unbearable burden._

Some girls are whispering, giggling, tattle-telling.

The boys are snickering, scorning, grimacing.

Yao stiffens for a second as Kiku, his beloved younger brother, snatches away his panda hat and tosses it to the ground.

"Just stop this nonsense already. Stop making a fool of yourself in public, baka."

Kiku strives to keep his volume down.

"Kiku! We're heading to the cafeteria, dude!"

Alfred shouts and waves at him. Kiku snorts and shoos Yao away. "Go to the garden. I'm going to have lunch with my friends."

"But Kiku, I thought we're going to eat together aru!" Yao smiles innocently, "As always!"

"No, don't follow me," Kiku replies firmly. He shoves Yao aside and hurries towards his gang.

He has trained himself well to ignore Yao's imploring expression. Those puppy dog eyes have no effects on him anymore.

He has no idea why his brother has to follow him into this school. It gives him nothing but trouble.

He hasn't been able to befriend anyone genuinely for almost ten years, all because of Yao's peculiar presence.

It has taken him so much effort to finally be able to mingle in a group, to finally obtain a couple of people he can regard as friends.

Kiku isn't inclined to let these blissful states slip away.

All because of Yao.

* * *

 **(2)** **Futile**

He has tried numerous times to make Yao distance himself from him.

He has yelled at him privately.

He has beaten him at home when no one else is around.

He has attempted almost every strategy to make him despise him; just as much as he detests him.

He is exhausted. So freaking exhausted.

Yao wouldn't stop clinging to him.

No.

He simply wouldn't stop nagging him, following him wherever he goes, almost twenty-four-seven straight.

"Can you stop following me already?" Kiku snaps.

The rain teems down heavily. Grey clouds cluster above him as if they are manifesting his distress.

They have just finished their school. Initially, Kiku planned to drop by Alfred's house with the others to play some video games but then Yao appeared and tagged along with him.

"Why can't you walk home alone, nii-san?"

Only when nobody is around would he address him as his brother.

The other times, he would simply treat him as none other than a typical schoolmate.

Hell, he doesn't even want to be his schoolmate.

He doesn't want to be associated with him in any way.

"Kiku, where are you going?" Yao smiles brightly.

Kiku hates this side of his brother so damn much.

The inability to grasp the situation is the worst.

_Why doesn't he realise that I hate him?_

_Why can't he just disappear?_

"None of your business. Go home, nii-san," Kiku snarls and quickens his pace.

"W-Wait, Kiku!" Yao follows suit but trips.

Water splashes onto his pants. The younger boy cusses and glares at his drenched brother on the floor. His crimson umbrella rolls on the ground. He is soaked from hair to toe.

Yao looks up pleadingly at Kiku and tries to prop himself up with his elbows.

"Look at yourself. I told you not to follow me! Go home already!" Kiku howls and sprints off.

* * *

 **(3)** **Draw the line**

As verbal attack and physical segregation don't seem to work, Kiku resorts to some more severe approaches.

He is desperate.

Sometimes, he wonders why Yao is still there, living under the same roof as the rest of them.

Their mother, Chun Yan, apparently couldn't stand the thought of sending her eldest son to a mental hospital. Even though she could spare little time looking after the kids, she has insisted on rearing them all by herself.

At least, Kiku could sympathise with his mother's adversity. After their father died in a flight accident, the family was rendered bankrupt. The lady of the house has to work several jobs in order to afford the living and to feed her four precious children. As a result, she is hardly home to monitor and discipline her kids.

Sometimes, Kiku would imagine Yao absent from the family and how much trouble it would have saved them. They could have just abandoned him or sent him to where he should belong- some special juvenile care centre or asylum.

_That suits him the best._

Kiku grunts as a pair of slender arms wrap around him. He smacks away the hands.

"Look what I've found in your room, Kiku!" Yao chuckles and holds up some posters of Anime girls in the air.

Kiku loses it.

He raises his fists and slapd the other boy hard.

"I told you not to touch my stuff! Why do you never listen? I told you to stop snooping about my room!"

"Duì…bù…qǐ..." Yao falls to the floor and rubs his slightly swollen cheek in tears.

Tears never work.

"No, you're not! You're so annoying, do you know that? Stop pestering me! Get lost, nii-san!" Kiku bellows and grabs all his stuff before plodding upstairs and locking himself in the room.

He can hear the vague sobs.

But he doesn't care.

* * *

 **(4)** **Unreasonable**

_I don't understand._

_Why doesn't he hate me already?_

That is Kiku's initial thought when he sees the bandaged boy curl up dolefully on the couch.

Mei and Yong Soo has asked what happened. He didn't tell the truth, of course. He has thought Yao would have told on him by now but to his astonishment, the older boy seals his lips.

"Yao gēgē, are you alright?" Mei inquires apprehensively.

"Aniki~ how did you hurt yourself?" Yong Soo asks.

Kiku's heart skips a beat.

_What if they tell Mom?_

KiKu braces himself for the consequences. He is a brutal, insolent beast. He knows he is at fault. He has eventually let his sentiments overtake him.

Yao winces slightly at Yong Soo's stroke.

Feigning a faint smile, the Chinese boy steals a glimpse at Kiku and stutters, "I…I…cut myself…by accident aru."

"How?"

At that exact moment, Kiku's mind explodes. He can't believe it. Yao is covering up for him! He is lying for him even after he has slashed his back with his katana!

_How absurd!_

It doesn't melt Kiku's heart though. Not a bit. Instead, it fuels him with more wrath.

_I don't need your sympathy._

_I don't need your stupid sacrifice._

_I'd rather end up in a cell than have to deal with you every day and night!_

He bites his lips and races back into his room. His blood-tainted katana still glimmers, reminding him of how he has unleashed his fury at Yao after the older boy inadvertently ruined his date at the junior prom.

_And now no one will ever love me because of him!_

_No one will ever want and date me as long as he's around!_

The boy's eyes shimmer indignantly. He crashes everything in his sight and turns his room upside down, vowing to put an ultimate end to this tarnished brotherhood.

* * *

 **(5)** **The devil's mind**

"Why do you hate him so much anyway?" Arthur once questioned. It's not like he cares much. The British punk is satisfied watching the dynamics between the two Asian brothers. In fact, every torture Kiku attempts on Yao inwardly evokes his sadistic traits.

He knows Alfred relishes in those episodes as much as he does.

After all, that's all they do- bullying and pulling pranks on others. They are the most notorious and yet worshipped thugs at school.

"Yea, dude, he didn't do anything to ya, did he?"

Arthur cackles.

Alfred pretends that he cares. The rationale of calling himself a hero is to place himself above the others. Hero? Ha, more like a disguised bully that claims to value justice more than tyranny.

At the end of the day, the ones indulging the most are the bad touch trio. Francis has been plotting his advance on Yao for some time. Antonio doesn't really give a fuck. He just loves to poke his nose into their business and watches the show. As for Gilbert, the amusement is plenty. He would join in any fun that involves someone else's fall.

"He's annoying. He embarrasses me. I wish he could just die," Kiku blurts out.

"Woah, you must be hanging around us too much, Kiku! What a beautiful language of yours!" Antonio laughed. The heartlessness of Kiku's sentence reminds him so much of his dear bad-mouthed lackey, Lovino.

"I am just telling the truth."

Kiku sighs. He can't take this anymore.

Why is Yao still holding on to him?

Why?

"So, tell us, what have you done so far?" Arthur smirks.

"I…"

"No worries! We don't judge. We all support you, Kiku! Having a retard like that as a bro must suck like hell!" Alfred laughs.

"He doesn't even belong to this school! He's a freak!" Gilbert snickers.

"It doesn't work." Kiku lowers his head in dismay. "No matter how hostile and violent I act towards him, he won't stay away."

"Da, that's because he loves you," a cherubic voice butts in, silencing everyone on the spot. The boys all turn towards the owner of that intimidating voice- Ivan Braginski, the worst bully at H Academy.

"Ivan? Aren't you still on your suspension?" Arthur frowns. "Thought you beat up Toris so bad you were almost expelled by the principal."

"Nyet, I've come back to handle some minor business." Ivan smiles.

"More like coming back to take revenge on your three slaves." Gilbert laughs.

"They do require some punishment, da?" Ivan then turns to face Antonio. "After all, if you don't train your underlings frequently, they will just come stabbing you in the back. You need to make them know their place, da?"

"Urgh, disgusting." Alfred rolls his eyes and munches on his cheese burger, taking a big swig of his coke at the same time. "I don't take anyone for lackey. They follow me of their own accord because I'm the hero!"

"You most probably bribe them, bloody wanker!"

"Do not defame me, Artie. I don't bribe anyone." Alfred winks.

"You blackmail them, da?" Ivan says.

"Teh, mind your own business, commie."

"Stop it, you guys. Aren't we trying to figure out how to help Kiku?" Arthur snarls and folds his arms.

"Oh yeah, what do you mean he loves him, Ivan?" Antonio asks.

"I do not accept this kind of ludicrous claim." Kiku shakes his head.

"If I manage to help you get rid of Yao, you will be saying otherwise."

Kiku frowns, "Explain more if you please, Ivan-san."

"You know, I'm kind of short on money recently. My big sister is cutting off my financial supply. Mind if we do this as a deal?" Ivan grins slyly.

"Woah, hold on a sec, you aren't actually taking money from Kiku, are you?" Alfred grumbles, standing up in haste. "No way! I wanna help too! Let's make a deal, Kiku!"

"What about me? I can help you beat him senseless!" Gilbert suggests.

"I can drug him for you, love." Arthur smiles and drapes his arm around Kiku's waist. "All you have to do is to ask."

"Money is not an issue." Kiku nods and takes out a roll of banknotes.

"Shit, you're rich! Where did you get all this from? Did you smug-" Alfred's eyes sparkle upon the sight of his favourite thing- CASH.

"Idiot! Only you're low enough to engage in drug smuggling," Arthur retorts. Alfred pouts.

"If I relied on my measly family, I would have starved to death long ago, Alfred-san." Kiku smiles proudly. "I earn my own living."

"Kiku invents and sells stuff," Arthur adds.

"Cool! That's totally awesome, man!"

"Honhonhon, big brother is impressed. We're lucky to have you in our league. You're our pride!" Francis giggles and blows Kiku a kiss.

"Cut it out, Francis-san." Kiku smiles. "Now tell me your plans."

"I am just kidding." Ivan laughs childishly. "I don't need your money, Kiku. In fact, I will pay you back if the plan succeeds."

"Go on."

"I want him," Ivan declares. 

"Hai?"

"Your brother is a beauty. I am very fond of him, actually."

"Dude, that guy is retarded!" Alfred laughs. "You love a retarded freak?"

"Shut up, you git!" Arthur smacks the American upside the head. "I agree with you, Ivan. Yao might be mentally abnormal but is sure a beautiful lass."

"He's a boy, Arthur-san," Kiku reminds.

"So, your point exactly?" Antonio raises his brows.

"I have a marvellous plan to make him hate you." Ivan's smile grows wider as he clutches his blood-stained faucet pipe to his chest.

"Spill it out, Ivan-san." Kiku nods.

"He doesn't leave you because you have been too kind to him, da."

"Too kind?" Kiku scowls, "You must have gotten me wrong. You have no idea how hard I have tried. I yelled. I hit. I even slashed his back. None of these has successfully made him loathe me."

"Love so deep it's gonna hurt like hell." Alfred laughs and guzzles down the rest of his soda. "That's why a hero like me will never fall for anyone! Only pussies love!"

"Shut up, Alfred!" Arthur curses and hit the other blond in the head.

"Need big brother to teach you the mighty power of romance?" Francis winks.

"Nah, I shall be fine without your disgusting lecture." Alfred laughs.

"Violence is not an effective means to dissuade someone who is so devoted to you, Kiku," Ivan says. "You've been doing it wrong all this time."

"Oh? If you're so clever, why don't you propose a better option, big nose?" Arthur quips.

"You might have tried everything," Ivan says, "but you haven't tried one thing."

"Hai?" Kiku asks, keen on knowing the ultimate thing he has missed.

"Betrayal."

* * *

 **(6)** **Betrayal**

"Kiku! Kiku!" Yao bounces excitedly and grabs Kiku's hand. "Where're we going? Are we going to the park?"

"Hai. We are going to have some fun, nii-san." Kiku smiles at his brother and leads him towards the forsaken barn.

"Yay!" Yao hums and swings Kiku's hand. "I thought Kiku doesn't like me anymore~ You always ignore me~ We're going to play and stick to each other like we used to~ Yeah~"

They stop in front of the deserted barn. Yao stares at Kiku quizzically. Before he can ask, he is shoved into the barn.

**_Click._ **

Kiku shuts the door.

"K-Kiku?" Yao panics. He looks up fearfully at the boys.

 

"Nii-san, let's have some fun, shall we?" Kiku smiles and steps aside, letting the gang surround his brother.

"I…don't understand aru…Kiku? Aren't we going to the park?"

"Nii-san, do you love me?" Kiku asks and cups the other's cheeks.

Yao stares at his brother, his eyes brimming with tears.

"What…do you…mean?" he frowns and trembles as the other boys slowly come into sight. Every single one of them wants to grab a piece of him. Some are already laughing and enjoying the show. Some are nibbling their lips in anticipation.

"I love Kiku…of course…I love Kiku the most! We're going to stay together forever and ever aru!"

"If that's the case, then you wouldn't mind doing me a favour, nii-san?" Kiku smiles reassuringly.

"H-Huh?"

"You see, my friends have been very interested in you lately. I think they want to show you some affection."

Kiku smirks as he walks away from the shuddering boy.

"I…don't get it…aru…"

"What a pity he's a freak. He sure looks pretty as hell!" Gilbert remarks loudly.

"What a ravishing sight you make, love." Arthur smiles and bends down to lift Yao's chin. "Don't cry. I promise to be gentle, dear."

"D-Don't…touch me aru…" Yao flinches from the gang.

He is frightened.

He doesn't know why Kiku is doing this to him.

He is his brother.

They are supposed to be together.

Kiku said so himself.

They grow up with each other.

They never separate.

They love each other.

Right?

"Kiku…" Yao pleads.

The sight is horrible. Tears trickle down his face. He reaches out his hand but Kiku only walks farther away from him.

"Please…"

"I trust you can entertain my friends, nii-san."

"Why?" Yao asks in confusion.

"Because your brother will be happy if you can please us," Arthur explains and kisses Yao.

"N-No!"

"Hold him," Arthur commands. Antonio and Gilbert jump out from behind. They grab Yao's hands and pin him down. Taking out a syringe, Arthur grins and shoves the needle into Yao's wrist, draining all the mysterious liquid.

The drug takes effects soon after it enters the veins. The world starts spinning. Everything becomes obscure.

"Woah, that's chaotic." Alfred chews his sandwich and slouches against the wall.

"My, my, we're going to have so much fun, da? And after this, you promise to let me have your brother?" Ivan smiles at Kiku, to which the Asian boy merely responds with a nonchalant nod.

"What're you waiting for, dude! Let's have a blast!" Alfred laughs. He throws away his jacket and joins in the rest of the gang.

The last thing Kiku sees is his brother's stripped body wiggling on the floor. His tear-drenched face triggers nothing but guilty pleasure from the depth of his heart. As they tear off Yao's school uniform, he leaves the barn and lets the others devour his brother.

* * *

 **(7)** **Wounded silence**

Kiku stars at the television screen indifferently and ignores his two grumbling siblings.

Mei is shouting.

Yong Soo is losing his nerves.

"Aniki still hasn't come back yet! Why!"

"Maybe something's happened to Yao gēgē!" Mei suggests and scoots towards the phone.

"Let's call Mum!"

Just then, the front door creaks open slowly, revealing a bruised boy in a scraped uniform. Kiku turns his head to his older brother, who keeps his eyes on the ground.

"Yao gēgē!" Mei exclaims, followed by Yong Soo. The two dash towards their older brother and embrace him. Almost immediately, they scrunch their noses and withdraw from the dirty shirt. Mei stares up at Yao in horror. Her brother is usually pretty jolly and talkative, but now he looks like a complete mess.

The older boy remains silent as he limps towards the stairs. He wobbles past Kiku, hiding his tears effectively with his long, drenched bangs. Kiku winces slightly at the dreadful sight of his brother's back. His pants are scratched, stained with blood and fluid he doesn't need to know. Yao struggles upstairs and heads into the bathroom.

He doesn't speak that night.

In fact, he never speaks again.

* * *

 **(8)** **Mistakes**

The plan works out just as smoothly as Ivan has claimed. The gang text Kiku after the incident at the barn. They all talk about Yao's body and say it is even more delicious it looks.

It seems that Yao has taken the hint. He is mentally scarred by the incident. He doesn't dare cling to Kiku anymore. For the rest of the days, he hides in his bedroom, even after their mother returns so rarely from work.

"Kiku? Do you know what's happened to Yao?" Chun Yan inquires, "Why are there bruises all over him? Is it true he fell downstairs? Why isn't he talking? Why doesn't he want to go back to school anymore?"

Kiku only shrugs and continues his meal.

Mei and Yong Soo open their mouths but say nothing.

Arthur sends him a video afterwards. Kiku is not pleased but he couldn't fight the temptation. He watches the video in the end. It turns out that they drugged Yao after he left the barn. They fed him weed and aphrodisiac, and something more that distorted his memory.

Every one of them took their turns with his brother, regardless of how much he cried and struggled. All the while, he kept calling for Kiku. The name "Kiku" never stopped lingering around his mouth even when he was coerced to moan like a bitch.

They broke him entirely.

They made him promise not to cause Kiku any more trouble and nuisance.

They made him realise that this was the punishment Kiku gave him.

For some reasons, Kiku cringes. He hurls his phone against the wall and watches it shatter into pieces.

His heart aches. He can't take his mind off Yao's snivelling face. When he should be celebrating for finally getting rid of Yao's annoying presence, he feels a huge pang of remorse and pain in his heart.

_Oh God, what have I done?_

Slowly, tears roll down his face.

_This is so messed up._

_This isn't right._

_I've gone too far._

And yet, he doesn't dare confront Yao.

He doesn't dare comfort him.

He keeps everything to himself and goes back to school.

Pretends it is just another normal school day.

Only without Yao tagging along with him.

* * *

 **(9)** **The forgotten truth**

Yao goes missing.

It is precisely two weeks after the incident.

No one knows where he has disappeared to.

Chun Yan goes frantic. She files a police report and sticks up posters all around the town.

Mei and Yong Soo grieve all day long.

None of them, however, has ever suspected Kiku has anything to do with it.

The usually introverted boy hides the inner beast perfectly in his rotten heart. As he sees his family panic over Yao's disappearance, his heart sinks.

Somehow.

Somehow…

He feels responsible.

He is responsible.

"Hey, Kiku, how's it going, dude?" Alfred's anxious voice comes from the other side of the phone line. It is rare to see the happy-go-lucky American sound so nervous.

Another voice joins in the conversation. "Did they find him?" Arthur asks.

Of course, they are worried.

They think heir deeds aree going public. Although they have shut Yao's mouth successfully, they still can't handle the risk.

"No…" Kiku replies, fidgeting with the phone cord.

"It's been a few days already!" Arthur exclaims.

"No, seriously dudes, I think we've gone too far. What if he commits suicide?"

"What?"

There comes a stunned silence. Nobody speaks for minutes.

The image is fresh and haunting.

They all feel that they have inevitably crossed the line.

They all regret it at some point, but never enough to atone for their sins.

Kiku find Yao's diary. The boy has ripped out all the previous entries for apparent reasons.

He is still trying to keep everything a secret, including how much of a hypocrite Kiku has been.

The last entry though remains as a painful reminder of his act.

**_Dear diary,_ **

**_Kiku is my little brother. He always will be. I don't know why he is so mad at me. Did I do something wrong? I get that he doesn't want to see me. I still don't know why. Alfred and Arthur said I am a burden to Kiku. Francis and Antonio said they are punishing me for causing Kiku headaches and pain. Gilbert said I am a freak. Ivan said I should just leave this home and live with him to make everything better. I feel so sad. My heart hurt a lot when they forced me to do something dirty. It is wrong. I am so sorry. I never know I have made Kiku suffer. I never know I have hurt Kiku. I hope you will forgive me, Kiku._ **

**_Yao_ **

Kiku slams the book shut. His mother storms in. With hot burning tears, Chun Yan brings her hand to her son's cheek.

Hard.

Kiku groans and collapses to the ground.

"You…how could you…" Chun Yan shrieks and seizes the katana. Only then does Kiku realise he has never bothered to wipe off Yao's blood on his beloved weapon.

"O-Okaasan?"

"I am not your mother!" the woman wails. "I don't have a devil son like you!"

The boy averts his gaze.

"If I didn't ask Mei and Yong Soo, I wouldn't have known what you've been doing to Yao all this time!" Chun Yan squeals, "How could you treat your brother like that? How could you beat him! And this!"

She waves the katana in the air.

"I found this in your room! You slashed him! You slashed your own brother!" the woman hollered, tossing the awful weapon towards her boy. "Why? Why are you doing this? He's your brother!"

"Gomen'nasai…" Kiku finally breaks down.

"You're not sorry. You're not sorry at all!" Chun Yan cries, falling to the ground in a sobbing mess. "Do you even remember why your brother is like this? Do you even remember how he got into this state in the first place? It's all because of you!"

Kiku's eyes widen.

"How could you forget it? He was never like this when you two were small! We were living so happily before your father passed away! Yao saved you from that car accident! He saved you and got hit by the truck, Kiku! And when he woke up again, his brain was ruined! Damaged! He became a retard because he protected you!"

The boy gasped and blinked at his whining mother.

"And you…you've never been grateful for what he did for you…You look down on him…you even think he's a shame to this family…what sort of sickening ideas have gotten into your mind? Is this…all my fault? Tell me, Kiku…is this all Mama's fault? Have I been focusing too much on work and neglecting you all? He's your brother, Kiku! Wake up! Yao loves you so much!"

* * *

**(10) Repentance**

Kiku runs and runs.

He doesn't know where he is heading to.

But there is only one thing on his mind- Yao.

How can he forget something so important?

How can he do something so foul?

"Yao! Yao!" Kiku cries and stumbles in the pouring rain. "Nii-san! Nii-san!"

Remorse has never gotten the best of him.

He runs and runs.

He searches.

He pries into every corner.

He needs to find his brother.

His nii-san.

"Nii-san! Gomen'nasai! Nii-san! Please!" he beggs.

_Please don't make him kill himself._

_Please…_

_God…I'm sorry._

A hand lands on him roughly and shoves him up against the wall. His face pales. He stares wide-eyed at the three gangsters lurking in the alleyway.

"Look what I found." One of them sneers, tightening his grip around Kiku as he struggles to break free.

"Kid, you've stepped in our territory."

"L-Let me go!" Kiku bawls and squirms.

"Stop kicking!" the other demands. "Give us all your money now or you die, bitch!"

Kiku yells and flails his arms futilely.

"Damn it!" one of them hisses and raises a kitchen knife.

Before the blade can penetrate his skin, Kiku gasps.

Everything happens in the blink of an eye.

Yao flies past him, inserting himself in between him and those guys.

A light weight falls upon him. Those amber orbs sparkle with hope and care. Yao smiles vaguely as a trail of blood dribble down his lips.

"Shit!"

The gangsters all step back.

Blood sputters everywhere, blending with the rain as it flows into the gutter.

Yao grunts and coughs up some blood. The knife cuts deep into his waist. He touches it with his thin, pale hand.

"Ni-Nii-san…" Kiku gulps.

"It's okay aru. I gotcha…I gotcha…hehee…" Yao giggles as the blood keeps oozing out of his gash.

"Shit! You did it! I'm getting out of here!" one gangster howls.

"Hey, wait!" The others all spin around and run away in a flash.

"Nii-san…" Kiku is still lost for words. All he can do is hold onto Yao tightly. "Sh…I'll…I'm going to get help!"

He cries for help but no one responds. He tries to stand up and run to the main street to seek help.

Yet, Yao tugs his sleeve and refuses to let go.

"S-Stay…aru."

The boy smiles.

"No, nii-san, I must go and get some help! You're bleeding! No! Don't pull it out!"

Yao plucks out the knife and chuckles. His bloody hand fumbles into his pocket and finally pulls out something cherry.

"K-Kiku…you love…sakura…right?" Yao giggles proudly. He hands the crushed blossom to Kiku and smiles. "Please…don't be…mad at me…anymore aru? I will…give you…this as..a make-up..-gift like I used to…when I upset you..."

"Nii-san…" Kiku bursts into tears and falls to his knees. He hugs the shivering body close to his chest. "Please…forgive me. Gomen'nasai…Gomen'nasai…"

"Why…are you apologising aru?" Yao grins, shoving the flower into Kiku's hand. "You did nothing wrong aru…I know…I am a trouble…to you…I hope I will…be less…much of a burden in the future…so…stay with me aru?"

"Hai…hai…I'll stay with you, of course. I will, nii-san!" Kiku cries.

"H-Happy…aru…"

"Pardon?"

"I'm…happy…" Yao giggles and nestles his head weakly against the other boy. "Yao will always love and protect his little Kiku…forever and ever…"

As the body slumps against him lifelessly, Kiku screams.

He continues to scream till his throat turns dry. He grabs the knife and positions the sharp metal against his throat. He stares down at his smiling brother once more.

"Gomen'nasai, nii-san…" he weeps, "I don't know what's gotten into me…Gomen'nasai…I…love you too."

With one strong slash, he let his body fall upon the other boy's.

_Watashi o yurushite._

* * *

**(11)** **Epilogue**

_"Okaasan? Okaasan? What's wrong with nii-san?"_

_"Kiku, listen to me carefully…"_

_"Okaasan?"_

_"Your brother…Yao…"_

_"What happened to nii-san?"_

_"He might not be able to take care of you from now on…Kiku…someone's happened…to his brain…he can't protect and look after you anymore…so be a good boy, okay?"_

_"Why? Why, okaasan? Will nii-san leave us?"_

_"No…he'll stay...He's still your brother…He's still part of the family, Kiku."_

_"If nii-san can't protect and look after me, I will take care of him instead! Please do not worry, okaasan!"_

_"My dear boys, please support and stay with each other. Promise to love and stick up for your brother all the time, Kiku?"_

_"I promise!"_

**Author's Note:**

> If you're able to finish this painful journey of roller-coaster, be sure to drop a review or two. No flames though XD
> 
> A couple of explanations here:
> 
> \- What happened in their childhood was that Yao and Kiku got into a car accident. At that time, Yao tried to save Kiku by pushing him out of the way. He got struck by a truck instead and his brain was damaged from the severe injuries. When he regained his consciousness, it was noted that his mentality would not develop like a normal person. His intelligence was not affected but he would have problems with the maturation of his mind. As a result, his mind lingered forever in an eight-year-old state, the time when he saved Kiku from the accident.
> 
> \- Kiku, at some point of growing up, forgot all about the accident. He grew to hate the childish and clingy side of Yao, not knowing that he behaved like this because of the accident. He thought Yao had been mentally retarded since they were born. He felt ashamed to have him as his brother and so attempted to drive him away.
> 
> \- Yao refused to leave Kiku alone because of the promise they made about staying with each other forever. He didn't realise what was going on in Kiku's mind. All he remembered was the blissful times they spent together as kids. His mind, again, would never grow up beyond the age of eight and thus his inability to grasp the situation. Even after the betrayal, he did not have the ability to tell on Kiku because he thought he deserved it.
> 
> \- Last but not least, I am sorry for making so many characters evil in this oneshot XD Honestly, I don't think of them that way but writing Evil!Alfred/Arthur/Ivan as well as the bad trio touch is so tempting! Dark!Snapped!Kiku is just too much.


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